How to make medium coffee

A customer asks for a medium coffee but you have only small or large. Here is how to make medium coffee if you dare.

1. Tell the customer about today's special offer: S/he gets one half for free. Sell a large. (If the customer complains about the price say that it's the price for the cup. The extra content is free.)
2. Congratulate the customer to be winner of the campaign "a large for a medium for every 100th customer". (Not recommended if there is a lot of medium people around.)
   
3. Make a large coffee and drink off a bit, or, if you already had plenty of medium customers pour away the excess.
   
4. If you collect the excesses you can sell an extra medium coffee. Extra medium means the coffee is in addition neither hot nor cold. Brand name Medium Special Edition.
   
5. Just call a small coffee medium. Want to make some extra money, charge the price of a large.
6. Make a small and a large coffee using two big cups. Pour some from the large to the small. Have one yourself, or wait until the next extra medium victim.
7. If you have loads of saliva you ... no, you just don't (want to risk your job).
   
8. But you could make a small coffee in a big cup and add some water. Remember to use cold water for special editions.
9. Alternatively, if advice no. 7 is too much for you, you could use "water" from the drip pan. As a precaution, tell the customer that today a special, particularly authentic flavor of Wild West romance is added.
10. Use a small cup, press the button for large coffee and tell the customer to be very careful.
11. Ask the customer whether by referencing the notion "medium" s/he means average, mean, median, medium, mediocre, moderate, medial, or indifferent. (It is very important that indifferent is the last word.) Look squarely into the customer's eyes, count to 3 slowly.